FDA Says Many Side Effects Are Too Dangerous

For years, the FDA turned a blind eye to medications designed to lower your blood pressure while increasing your risk of stroke, death and anal discharge, or anti-depressants that cause depression, suicidal tendencies and hallucinations, or medications that allow you to walk, drive, swim and operate complicated machinery all while being perfectly asleep. Now in a big change from putting pharmaceutical companies first, the FDA has set a new standard that medications must meet in order to get the FDA stamp of approval.

 In a bold break from blindly siding with drug-companies, the FDA announced today that the myriad of side-effects listed on TV commercials are sometimes more dangerous than the symptoms they’re designed to treat in the first place. Policy makers are afraid that they are going to introduce more harm than good to the majority of people taking FDA approved medication. Sick of being treated like a corrupt organization that bows to the power of pharmaceutical giants, the FDA has reared its ugly head and said it will no longer approve medications that introduce more ailments than they treat.

“It’s been a nasty experiment that has lasted decades,” a senior research scientist at John Hopkins disclosed in a private interview on Tuesday. “We’ve known for years that the long term effects of using these drugs far out-weigh the short term relief they offer. Unfortunately, we abandoned science and ethics for a quick dollar, and now all of society is paying a price. People now expect to take pills to offset the side effects of the pills they need. While all of this has meant great money for the drug companies, it has taken a toll on the personal health and wealth of Americans.”

Official FDA spokeswoman, Martha Short, says, “It’s been a long time coming. I am proud to say this is the first step in what will hopefully be many larger steps in replacing financial profit with human decency. Today I have never been more proud to be an American.”

Okay, I know there is actually no humor in here, but the original headline and article were something I totally would have written as satire. Original posted below:

FDA May Cut Down on Drug Side-Effects Listings, Since No One Reads Them Anyway

Posted by Mark J. Miller on February 19, 2014 05:45 PM

…[The] FDA is surveying consumers on whether they should loosen up the rules requiring drug companies to include the exhaustive lists.

According to the New York Daily News, current research says that many patients, especially older ones, pay no attention to warning labels. In addition, research from Kansas State and Michigan State University shows that some warning labels don’t get the attention that they should be getting. That inattention is estimated to create millions of medication errors annually.

The FDA hopes that the consumer survey will help it decide whether or not to ease “the regulations governing the level of disclosures in prescription drug ads,” Consumerist reports. The agency says that there are some who think the side-effect statement may be “too long, which may result in reduced consumer comprehension, minimization of important risk information and, potentially, therapeutic noncompliance due to fear of side effects.”

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